im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
