So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
