dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
