Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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