i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
