So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
