please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
