adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
