no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
