The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
