It's Friday. Sex?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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