would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
