You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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