I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
