at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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