I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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