New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Found the puke drawer
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
