wat bout pragnant strippers??
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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