So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
