i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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