One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Randomize
