i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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