Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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