I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
