You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
