I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
