3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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