Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
