Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
