i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just want to make out with him forever
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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