i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
