i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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