Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Randomize
