Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
