at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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