happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
