Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
