Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
