she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
