apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I have tasted many bathrooms
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
