Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
