i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
