I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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