oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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