you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I need a burrito and a hug.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
