The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
where does the pee come out of this thing
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
