I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
