the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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