Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
