hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
wakey wakey hands off snakey
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
