The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
