He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
