I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
