we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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