so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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