Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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