ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
