this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
