Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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