I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
