Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
