I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
