Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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