Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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