There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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