Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
