So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
