What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
