sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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