Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
