he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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