But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
