my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
