my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
