and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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