Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
