i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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