im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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