I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Randomize
