Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
