I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
